SHELBY TOWNSHIP – Parenting is one of the greatest joys of my life, while at the same time, it can be one of the most challenging. Writing about parenting is not my forte because I am still forging my way through these years. My kids are 17 and 11 and I have so much still to learn and navigate as a parent.
People tend to approach parenting differently. This could be because of the way we were raised ourselves. Sometimes we want to do things the exact way it was modeled for us, yet at other times we may want to completely change the way our parents handled situations. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, we can all agree that parenting is hard work!
God reminds me often that even though I don’t have all the answers, I do have a Counselor who is always with me and ready to help when I need Him.
Jesus told his disciples in John 14:16b – 17a (NIV),
“… he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth.”
The Holy Spirit is our Counselor, our Helper, and our Guide. The following are ways to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you as you raise your children:
1 - Invite the Holy Spirit to fill you with all you need.
As Christ followers, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us. However, if we don’t intentionally call on Him and ask Him to lead us, we can easily quench the Holy Spirit, and continue to lead ourselves. When we parent without the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we will miss out on supernatural insight and divine assistance with our children.
Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 (NIV),
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
Often, we can think this verse is only referring to immoral things, but the flesh can also be referred to as pride and self-righteousness. As a parent, if I am constantly leading out of my flesh and never inviting the Holy Spirit to lead my words and my actions, I can do damage to my relationship with my children. Our parenting style was formed by experiences in our lives, and those experiences may not have always been good. However, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit we can care for our children with compassion and understanding.
2 – Listen to the still small voice.
One of the biggest challenges to hearing God’s voice is recognizing when His voice is leading you to do something that you don’t necessarily want to do. I believe we often hear God’s voice, but we don’t want to submit to it! Why? We think we know what is best and when the Holy Spirit wants to counteract what we think is right, we often ignore His promptings and forge ahead with our way of handling the situation. When we do this, we are “gratifying the desires of the flesh” as stated in Galatians 5:16. Have you been there? As parents, sometimes we can make situations a lot worse when we lead out of the flesh and not the Spirit.
In John 14: 26 (NIV) Jesus says,
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
3 – Be attentive to your child’s needs and listen.
If you have more than one child, you know every child is different. Therefore, your parenting style may vary from child to child. I am a very structured person and I like to do things a certain way. However, I have learned that when I parent in the way I think is best without considering my child’s needs, I am not able to form the attachment to my child I need for healthy respect and nurture. Our relationship then becomes about authority and control. I learned this about myself from my oldest child. I have found that when I am quiet and listen to his needs, the Holy Spirit is showing me how to respond to him in a way in which he will receive it.
In James 1:19 (NIV) James writes,
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Are you familiar with this verse? Most parents are because we use it on our kids, but do we follow it ourselves? When we are slow to speak and allow our children to share their feelings and frustrations, this allows us time to sit with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to guide our next words and actions. It gives space for us to lay down our fleshly desires of what “WE” want to say in the moment, and allows the Holy Spirit to fill our minds and hearts with His words to flow through us.
I am thankful that God has given us a Helper, the Holy Spirit, to guide us through our parenting journey. We aren’t always going to get it right. When we fail, which I often do, we need to stay in tune to the Spirit leading. If He convicts you because of the way you handled the situation with your child, go back and apologize! Don’t let pride keep you from making things right with them. When we model asking forgiveness from our children, we allow them to see Christ at work in us. Stay in step with the Holy Spirit, and He will faithfully see you through each stage of your parenting journey.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karen is married to Scott Blanchard, pastor of Lakepointe Church, and moved from Florida to Michigan in the summer of 2009 to plant Lakepointe Church in Shelby Township. She enjoys mentoring and discipling women and also leads women’s life groups through her church. She is passionate about helping women find their purpose in who God created them to be. She is on staff at Lakepointe Church and loves being part of what God is doing in the Metro Detroit area!