HUDSONVILLE – The way the Bible does math doesn’t make sense! How does 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish feed more than 5,000 people? There is 1 God in 3 persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. How does 3 = 1. How does the Sacrifice of 1 (Jesus) pay for the sins of billions of people? These mysterious math equations don’t make sense, and yet they are true. One of the Bible’s math equations that has been haunting me lately is “how does 1 man marry 1 woman and the 2 become 1”.
Marriage is a mystery. It is a mystery that I got to live in. On August 19, 2006 I had a tiny diamond ring from James Avery Jewelers in my hand. I had a heart full of joy and a head fully ignorant of the mystery I was stepping into when I asked Kathryn to marry me.
I can with full confidence say the mystery of 2 becoming 1 is true. In every high and every low (marriage is not for the faint of heart) we learned, we grew, we challenged each other, we loved each other, we protected each other. Our lives were intertwined. We were inseparable. That is until death did us part…
I was talking with my therapist the other day, (Therapy has been clutch for my family in this journey) and this thought came out of left field. It was like something in my mind turned on a light in a dark room. It caught me off guard… I AM GLAD THAT KAT IS NOT ON THIS SIDE OF DEATH. I’M GLAD SHE IS NOT LIVING AS A WIDOW.
This thought overwhelmed me because I remember holding her hand in the hospital telling her how sorry I was that she had cancer. I told her how much I wish that I could take the sickness away and carry it so she didn’t have to. I told her I’d give anything to switch places with her. but here I am on this side of death. I can’t imagine my sweet wife having to navigate this treacherous journey. I am so grateful that the life that Kathryn knew was the one where we were always together. She lived and died in the mystery of 1 + 1 = 1.
Today was one of those days. It’s been 18 years since I placed that ring on your hand. It’s been 4 months since you breathed your last and I let go of your hand. Today, one of your babies went to freshman orientation and two of your boys met their teachers. This all feels wrong without you. I wake up each day half a man. It was you and me and we were 1, but now you're gone. Half of me has been taken. Kat, I’m broken, I’m doing my best, but I’m not whole anymore. I’m grateful that I am the one walking this broken heart journey and not you.
For my friends reading this, I don’t write this for your pity, and I don’t write this to pull at your emotions. I write as a way to process and if it helps you on your journey through this life I simply give God thanks. This is life is not easy, nor should it be. We see the brokenness all around us, and yet there is beauty all around us. I got love and was loved by a beautiful woman. I see her in her children and her imprint is everywhere. Yes, cancer is brutal. Death is a thief, those horrible things shouldn’t exist and one day they won’t.
So my friends, lift your head up. Let the tears roll because one day they won’t.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Luke is the Executive Pastor of Gatherings at Chapel Pointe. With a conviction to serve local churches, Luke draws on his 19 years of ministry experience to help churches and church leaders accomplish their vision. Over his time in ministry, Luke has served four local churches in a variety of roles. He has led student and family ministries in rural, urban, and suburban contexts. With a passion for church leadership, Luke pursued a Masters in Christian Leadership from Dallas Theological Seminary. He loves outdoor adventures with his four children.
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